I murdered the dance floor call the cops
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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