I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
