so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
