Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
