drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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