He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
