The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
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Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
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I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
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