I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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