You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
