This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
