I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
