My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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