**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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