what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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