quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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