just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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