We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
