Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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