yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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