The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
