I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Drunk is a universal language darling
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
