On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
