He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
