I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
