So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
