He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my being single is dangerous.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
