oh god the rape fog is back!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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