fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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