If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
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You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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