i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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