I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
