btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
