How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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