I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm just crazy horny about you
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
