I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
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As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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