but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
