I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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