I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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