i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
