I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
