marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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