I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
