toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
