i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
