They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
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Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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