are you so shy because you have an std?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
