and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
