i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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