this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Found the puke drawer
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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