He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
