I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
