All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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