tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
