All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
