It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
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you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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