how can u be prego again
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
