1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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