so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
