saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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