this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
