I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
