Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
