I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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