when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
