I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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