im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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