If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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