i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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