the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
