We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
