Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
