Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
