if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
why do cheetos always look like penises
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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