The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
