it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
we're so committed to being not committed
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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