I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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